Lori4squaremom's Heart and Home

On May 24 I got a text message from a very dear friend saying that another dear friend had just gotten the diagnosis of leukemia just a little earlier that day, and was heading to a hospital about an hour away to begin treatment the following day.   Through the next few days, as the doctors came and gave information, and more tests were run, and they knew precisely what they were dealing with, it sounded like she could beat this cancer.  Well, last Thursday, September 8 at 5:18 am , the Lord chose to take my friend Alyce home.   Alyce leaves behind a husband of 25 years, 4 beautiful daughters, and 2 gorgeous and fun grandbabies, parents, brothers, etc, etc, etc…..but what she leaves behind as well is a legacy.   This morning we, as a family, as a church family, as a community, and as business colleagues had the opportunity to celebrate the life of Alyce.    The testimony that I heard from our pastor, from the family, and from our many friends, is that Alyce had a legacy of faith, and she leaves a legacy of faith.   Alyce and I became acquainted almost 6 years ago when we changed churches.   She was one of the youth leaders, and she hosted several events in her home for the girls that year.   THe following year, I got to know her better, and she and I became very bonded through prayer.   We became prayer warriors for one another and for one another’s children and spouses.  

Last week, when I got the text from her oldest daughter that she was in ICU and that they were putting her on a ventilator,  I immediately began praying!   My first prayer wasn’t for her though, my first prayer was for exactly who I know she would have wanted me to be praying for….her husband and her daughters.     Through the next few days I spent hours and hours praying for my precious friend, and her incredibly precious family.   When I got the text at 2:20 am on Thurs morning that she had coded twice and it wasn’t going to be much longer I got my phone out and went back and read the text messages from the past 4 years (well, actually, however long I’ve had an iPhone)…..   Alyce, I am going to miss you!!!!   You were always so loving, so nurturing, and you genuinely cared, and I KNEW you prayed for us when I asked (and even when I didn’t).   

This past week, the tears and the heartache have come at some of the most random times, and I’m always reminded to pray for your precious family, because whatever I’m feeling doesn’t even come CLOSE to what they are feeling, dear friend.  Today I hugged each of your girls and told them that I loved them, and as you would expect me to, I sent food home with your parents….and Alyce, I baked your favorite cookies for them yesterday….yes, the toffee nut ones that you loved.   God even had a hand in that one, dear friend, I asked Hannah what kind of cookie she wanted me to bake (because Clay…her boyfriend….you would love him!!!!…..had chosen the last cookies) and she said toffee nut.  As I was baking them, I remembered that those were your favorite….yes, tears.   

I know that God will bring healing to our hearts, but dear friend, you will forever be missed!!!!   I love you, and I am never going to forget the prayers that you have prayed for us, the hugs that you have given me, and the tears that we have shed together.   I will ALWAYS pray for Jerry and the girls, and I will check in with them often to see how I can help.  

Goodbye dear friend!  See you in the future….. I love you! 

From today’s My Utmost for His Highest (January 13)….Kind of along with yesterday’s message today’s is about Jesus getting us alone….I know that currently I am in a place in my life where I often “feel alone”….and it’s not that I don’t have friends or family, I do! And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am DEEPLY loved, and even appreciated, that isn’t what I feel when I feel alone. I am currently not involved in a deep and meaningful fellowship with sister (or brothers) in Christ outside of our Sunday morning worship and my friendships with my sisters in Christ and my family, God has closed the door for me for the time being for being involved in a weekly Bible study. I know that the reason for that is that He desires to be my mentor, He wants to be my guide through the Word…..He wants for it to be just He and I so that I can focus SOLELY on Him….not on the food, not on which video series is next, not on the gossip (sometimes disguised as prayer requests). It is sometimes a lonely place to be, but I also know that it is temporary. He has a group of women for me, I know, but He hasn’t led me to them yet. Anyhow, the purpose for this “alone with Jesus” time is perfectly described in today’s lesson from My Utmost for His Highest and quoted below…. 

There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quiet all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him.

This year I am reading through “My Utmost for His Highest” again, today I wanted to share something from that…. 
Some notes from TODAY’s (January 12) entry in My Utmost for His Highest…. 
“We can only be used by God after we allow Him to show us the deep, hidden areas of our own character. It is astounding how ignorant we are about ourselves! We don’t even recognize the envy, laziness, or pride within us when we see it. But Jesus will reveal to us everything we have held within ourselves before His grace began to work. How many of us have learned to look inwardly with courage?
But as long as there is any doubt that we are unworthy, God will continue to close us in until He gets us alone. Whenever there is any element of pride or conceit remaining, Jesus can’t teach us anything. He will allow us to experience heartbreak or the disappointment we feel when our intellectual pride is wounded. He will reveal numerous misplaced affections or desires—things over which we never thought He would have to get us alone. Many things are shown to us, often without effect. But when God gets us alone over them, they will be clear.”
Sometimes God has to get us alone with Him (not just space wise, but in our hearts and our thought life) in order for us to see our sinful nature, and then to be sanctified. Sometimes those moments in time are long and difficult, other times they are short and sweet….at least in my walk with Him….but I am so thankful that God NEVER gives up on me, and that He is NOT finished with me!!! 

Last week, after the terror attacks in Paris while I was skimming my facebook timeline, I grew more and more distressed at all of the ugliness of this world and felt that it was time to take a break from facebook for the weekend.   On Monday morning I realized I hadn’t even really thought about fb (except for responding to the email notifications that I was getting for certain things).  Today I jumped on fb to just skim through posts and realized that it didn’t hold the same interest as it did last week.   For the past 4 days I’ve been reading, I’ve been cooking and baking, and most importantly I’ve been spending time with God and my family!     I can definitely say that I will be continuing my facebook fast/break with the exception of checking in here and there, once or twice a week. 
I have been doing something that I wish I did more of, and that is taking more pictures….so far just of food, but I’ve been taking more pictures and posting more on instagram.  That’s fun, and I’m able to cross post those photos to facebook and twitter which is nice.     And all of this means, that I will be blogging more as well!   

Last week one of my facebook friends (and friends in real life) posted a Scripture Writing plan for the month of November.   I always am able to focus better on scripture while writing it, so I took the challenge.   I did two days and then was hit with a really bad bout of vertigo, so I stopped for a few days.  Today I got up and am feeling GREAT, but I KNOW that if I overdo it, I will be right back where I was last week….in fact, here is what I posted on my fb a few minutes ago….. 

ok, be prepared to giggle at the very beginning of this…..
So, I see and hear my kids and other young people use the quote “The struggle is real”….usually accompanied by a hashtag. Well, I just said it to myself because today, seriously, the struggle is real! I am feeling great today! THANK YOU LORD!!!! And thank you prayer warriors! I quite honestly, haven’t felt this good in a LONG TIME!!!!! SO, I am feeling great! And I have a week’s worth of stuff that I’d LOVE to get caught up on…HOWEVER, I KNOW that if I overdo it, I’m going to be right back where I was with my vertigo. Baby boy is sleeping right now, and I got the salsa verde made, and the green chilis roasted, peeled and deseeded for making green chili and chicken tamales, and was getting ready to roast some pumpkins and butternut squash to get some puree into the freezer, and I realized that I really should take a break before moving onto those projects. Please pray for BALANCE today…. #thestruggleisREALLYreal 🙂

I sat and read for a few minutes, then I got up and got a pumpkin and a butternut squash into the oven to roast and 1/3 of the chicken bones that I collected over the weekend and started a pressure cooker full of chicken bone broth, made myself a cup of tea and sat down at the dining room table to do some scripture writing.   My plan had been to “get caught up”…..until I wrote the first day that I missed…..I think I’m going to marinate on this passage for a while before moving on.   I REALLY needed this passage today!!!!! 

2 Corinthians 4:15-18 (NIV) 

All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Therefore we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

All I can say is WOW and AMEN!!!!   So totally appropriate for me right now!  Thank you God for always being so faithful to speak through YOUR living word!!!!! 

I have been missing in action from my blog for over 2 years!   This ends today!   I have had so much on my heart to share, but when it comes down to actually documenting, it it just doesn’t happen….mostly because the enemy gets into my head and heart and convinces me that no one cares, no one is interested in what I’m going to say, etc.   Well, I get asked at least a few times a year about my blog.   God and I have been wrestling over this for a while now….and I need to come back….please bear with me, as I find a format that works for me on a daily basis (as far as whether I need to just keep this blog as it’s always been, kind of a hodge podge of everything in my life….my personal thoughts, my time in God’s word, family doing, cooking/recipes, household, crafts, etc. )  I have friends that have separate kitchen blogs from their “personal” blogs, but honestly, my life is a big mish-mash of all of the above!  One moment I may be snuggling on the couch with my honey, or a dog, or a kid….and the very next moment I may have the canner out and be preserving food, and the next have my crochet hook and yarn out and working on something……I MAY just keep my blog the way my life is 🙂    Not quite sure yet, and would LOVE the input of my faithful followers and readers!

Well, on that note, I will close this post with a prayer request….. as many of you know, I live in Central California…..and there are a LOT of wildfires burning right now.  But what is currently the 17th largest fire in CA fire history is burning in the mountains just east of us.  It is called “The Rough Fire”…..currently there have been over 120,000 acres burned or burning, and it is only 30% contained….it was started by lightening strike on July 31….yes, today is September 13!    There are over 2000 firefighters and support personnel on this fire, and have had to evacuate some very precious national treasures as well as thousands from their homes, and mountain cabins.  Please pray for rain for California, please pray for safety of our forestland, and the structures in the path of the fire, please pray for containment, and above all else, plese pray for the firefighters, their families, and the resources necessary to put this fire out!